Friendships and family relations get better with age, of course with multiple factors playing a role. With her recent research work in the foreground, Professor Karen Fingerman, the Berner-Hanley Professor in Gerontology, Developmental and Family Studies, at Purdue University, in an exclusive interview with www.femefashions.com gives a clearer insight on relationship complexities and how things get better as we mature...
Regulating emotions is learnt over years. Do you think this is out of compromise or acceptance or plain maturity of thought?
The research on emotions finds that the reasons for changes are multifaceted. People do become more mature in their thinking, and are able to get less upset as a result. People also get better at avoiding situations that upset them, thus avoiding negative emotions by avoiding situations (including people) that could create those emotions. Finally, it so happens that we tend to be most "reactive" to a situation when it is novel. Once we have encountered a similar situation many times, we know that things usually work out in these cases or we simply tire of getting upset about it. All of these factors contribute to better emotion regulation among older adults.
Relationships get better with age. But most acquaintances, friendships happen during teenage. Do these get better than they were in the teenage?
Although many friendships form in the teenage years, many adult relationships are more typically formed in early adulthood. For example, people often find their spouse or a permanent romantic partner in young adulthood. But even these relationships continue to improve throughout adulthood - people report fewer conflicts across relationships as they grown older.
What about the temperament that one is born with? How much does it affect one's relationships? Also, can it be moulded for better?
Temperament is not completely consistent from birth to old age. But it is true that some people have more agreeable personalities than other people. Nonetheless, with age, most people do grow more pleasant, less neurotic/less emotionally volatile, and better able to get along with others.
If one moulds oneself to get cordial and better with interactions, how much can the conscious effort work and for how long?
Our research suggests social partners react positively when the other is cordial and pleasant and this effect could work indefinitely, particularly if a person learns to honestly not get upset with others and to feel pleasant when around them.
In today's stressful routine, how important do you think it is to value relationships and how can they be treasured? With increasing materialism, have we learned to ignore many relations unknowingly?
It seems that even today, with materials and a rushed lifestyle, most people report that they value their personal relationships a great deal; and this in particular has been reported by women.
Indians are taught to respect elders and value relations right from a tender age. Why then do you think some of us still suffer from loneliness?
I think it is still unclear why some people still suffer from loneliness!
It is said that 'everyone cannot be kept happy all the time'. What then, at the end of the day, is the key to have healthy bonds with relations we value?
Older adults are generally happy with most of their relationships - they value the time they have left with the people they love. Thinking of each moment with someone you love as a moment of value and importance seems to help.
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